An Edmonton Fairy Tale

There was once a mean old man named Ryan. He was the meanest man, and he had the strangest hobby: he was an amateur acupuncturist. He loved to kidnap unsuspecting ladies and practice to his heart's content. One day, Ryan's friend Jen left her favourite coffee mug in Ryan's truck. He laid eyes upon the poor, hapless mug and immediately chose her to be one of his experiments. So he did, and for a long while at that!

But after many hours of misplaced needles and needless suffering, Ryan finally caught on to the Mug's startling beauty. He fell in love with her at that moment. She, having witnessed Ryan's change of heart, realized as well how striking and handsome Ryan was, and fell in love with him immediately.

They were both famished, so they decided that their first act as a couple would be to go to McDonalds. It was her favourite restaurant because they had the best ketchup and pepper stew in town.

Ryan had difficulty finishing his meal as he was enchanted by her ravishing beauty. While she ate, he could do nothing but stare at her, and couldn't eat a bite of his food.

They both realized that it was winter and she wasn't wearing any clothes. So, the first place they went, after McDonalds, was the dress store. They picked out a green dress that was to die for.

As they were walking out of the dress store, she realized that her feet were freezing cold, and it dawned on them, she needs shoes. So he carried her a great distance (a few doors down) to get her a nice pair of shoes. She loved them and realized she was beginning to really love him as well.

New dress and shoes in tow, Ryan became overwhelmed, and told her that she could have anything she wanted. She replied "all I want is for you to be happy! I know you think I'm beautiful, just wait until I get my hair and nails done." So that's what they did.

Later that night, as they were going home from their night on the town, a thought came to Ryan. It came so subtly that he ignored it at first. "But I love her", he thought. "Who cares about our differences? So she's a coffee mug, who cares!? We love each other." But the thought creeped in more, and more, until he realized that the thought was right: they could never be together. The thought now had free reign of his mind, so much so that he could no longer take the agony. So he stopped the truck abruptly, and without a word, kicked out the love of his life. Poor mug. . .

THE END